What is REALLY Happening When You Worry?
Many would agree with that description. But, I am going to give you another way to think about worry, so you can feel different.
First, worry is an emotion. Emotions are Energy in Motion. All emotions are simply energy expressed as a feeling which is information for you to be alerted to the kinds of thoughts you are thinking consciously and subconsciously. This is important because most of your thinking is subconscious and are very repetitive about the people or the circumstances you are worried about. This happens because of the level of importance.
If something or someone isn’t that important to you, you don’t have many thoughts in your subconscious about them to cause you to feel worry. For instance, if you were just introduced to someone and then heard that they have a big problem in their life, you would respond momentarily and probably not give it much thought.
When that someone or something is important and you keep repeating thoughts that feel like worry, are fearful and powerless and you don’t interrupt them, they will become a habit. In reality, you are training yourself to worry.
I want to also add in here to notice what you believe about this feeling called worry. Notice if you are someone who believes that it is a sign of love and caring when you worry. This is not true and it doesn’t help. What you really want is to feel free from this feeling called worry so you can feel empowered to be a part of the solution.
So, what should you do about the ‘signal’ you are receiving from yourself that you are thinking worry thoughts? The first step is to feel the feeling and name it. When you allow the feeling and give it a name such as worry, you are consciously involved. You need to be conscious of the feeling to change it. The next step is to breath the feeling away. Remember that what you are feeling is an energy that is helpful. Emotion= Energy in motion. The feeling called worry needs your help to make space for it to move.
Breathing is the way to make space and it is always with you. Use it! Take deep long breaths into your whole body and it will help the energy to move. Energy moves in waves. (Think of how even intense labor pain come and go in waves of intensity and how the breath helps to go through it easier.) Your breath will help you to feel relief from the sensation of worry and it will also open you up to helpful thoughts and ideas.
Next, deliberately choose thoughts such as ‘It is entirely possible for this situation to improve. Remember, change is always happening even if you can’t see it right now. Another powerful thought to use is ‘ I am looking forward to ________________ (describe the way you want the situation to look and feel.) These statements will help you to let go of worry and feel better because they are true and you agree with them. If you make statements that you don’t agree with subconsciously such as- ‘Everything is great’, when it isn’t, you will feel off because it doesn’t feel true.
Another powerful way to let go of worry, is to focus on something going right. When you are hyper focused on the situation that is causing the worry feeling, you are again training yourself to worry and it will create the continuation of the habit of worry.
Most situations have something that is going ok. Even the most intense pain has moments when it isn’t as painful no matter where it is located, whether in the body, mind or spirit.
There are always parts of you that are not feeling the pain, so you can always focus on that. For instance, if you have pain in your body located in your back, focus on your foot and notice that it isn’t in pain. The longer you distract your attention and focus to where there is no pain, you will have not had your attention on the pain. Do this intentionally for moments and then longer periods of time. It works!
If you are feeling pain emotionally, give your mind something else to do so it isn’t noticing the emotional pain. Get actively involved in changing your focus of attention off the situation causing the emotional pain called worry and you will find that you aren’t as worried. With practice, it gets easier.
So, now you have a new definition and perception of what worry really is and most importantly what you can do to create new thought habits and patterns so you can feel powerful- not matter what is happening in your life!
Kathleen Martin, LOACC
Certified Master Life Coach
The Reason You are Feeling Bad and What You Can Do to Feel Better Fast!
Did you know that there is really only one reason you feel bad? It’s true.
The main reason you feel bad about anything is because of the way you are thinking about whatever it is that is causing you to feel bad.
First the ‘thought’ and then the ‘thing’ is a principle in life. It is the way life goes. That ‘thing’ is a feeling or emotion that is activated by the quality of your thoughts.
Did you know that you have over 60,000 thoughts in a day? Most of your thoughts are subconscious, which means you aren’t aware of most of them. The thoughts you are aware of are mostly the ones that have a purpose such as – ‘ I’m hungry so I think I’ll make lunch. Or problem solving thoughts, for example you get into your car and the gas gauge is low so you think-‘ I need to stop and get gas.’
So many of our thoughts are subconscious is so that we don’t need to spend time thinking about the daily activities that have now become necessary habits and patterns, such as walking, talking, eating, writing, etc and even driving your car.
Can you imagine having to spend time thinking about and needing to focus on ordinary activities like those everyday? You wouldn’t be able to use your mind to problem solve when you need to. This is the reason why so many thoughts are on auto pilot. It frees us up to be creative.
What about when you get the feeling or emotion that feels bad? This simply means that you have been processing many thoughts about something or someone which feel bad. Most of the time these are thoughts you have practicing over and over so they have become a habit or pattern about the circumstance or person.
They are now subconscious and are easy to activate. The feeling is simply an indicator of the types of thoughts. Your feelings and emotions are a guide and very helpful.
How do you feel better fast?
You need to interrupt the pattern of thoughts and habitual thinking that is on autopilot.
Step 1- Take deep long breaths for 2 minutes. Breath in slowly to the count of 6 and out to the count of 6. This practice will cause you to focus on counting and relax your body at the same time. This will also stop the thoughts so you can introduce new, better feeling ones about the situation or person.
Step 2- As soon as you feel bad, distract your mind. Give it something else to think about and pay attention to. You can focus on something neutral such as getting involved in something that needs your attention ie: a project or reading something helpful or watching a movie etc.
Step 3- Introduce a new better feeling thought such as – ‘This is temporary’ (everything is- change is a principle of life), ‘It is entirely possible for ______________ (fill in the blank with words that describe what you want), ‘ I am looking forward to________________( describe the improvement you want to experience.)
You don’t have to feel bad for long. As soon as you take these actions, they will begin to help you to replace the thoughts that cause you to feel bad with the ones that feel better. Just the ‘thing’ you want
The more you practice, the easier it gets because you will have created new and better feeling habits and patterns and actually create a new mind!
Kathleen Martin, LOACC
Certified Master Life Coach
Creator of Balanced Life Coaching
To learn more Life Coaching skills and tools contact Kathleen @ www.kathleenmartincoaching.com Or www.hamptonslifecoach.com
Be sure to sign up for your no cost Balanced Life Coaching Discovery Session to find out what Life Coaching can do for you!
Life Is Like Riding A Wave
Life is like riding a wave (an emotional wave that is!)
Everyday you experience life like riding an emotional wave. Your thoughts create feelings called emotions and your body responds. Have you noticed how you can go from feeling like a small wave that is hardly noticeable when you are relaxed and at ease and not being activated by anything in particular to a tsunami size wave when you are activated by something that causes you great fear or worry?
The reason we have emotions is so that we can become aware of how our body is processing the information that comes in through our senses. We interpret life through sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch, pressure, hot/cold, pain, kinethesis, and proprioception (which in esence is concerned with knowing where our body is in relation to itself.) We need this information so that we can make the necessary changes with our ability to choose how we WANT to feel. We need to know how to feel empowered to go from riding the tsunami to riding the fun waves.
When we take in information we begin to produce thoughts that are based on what we believe. So, our beliefs are crucial. Our beliefs were given to us as children. They are thoughts that we think over and over until they go into our subconscious mind for later use. Some are very positive and have helped us along the way, such as the belief that we could do something that was important like walking, talking, feeding and dressing ourselves. As we matured into life we needed the belief in ourselves as powerful creators of our reality and that when we decided we could do something bigger, we had a positive belief that felt like ‘yes I can’, instead of being given the belief that you couldn’t.
It is very very important to establish what we WANT to believe. You do not have to continue to have the beliefs you were given in your life. How do you change a belief? First, tune into your emotional responses. Let’s use this example: You are someone who has been employed in a company for an amount of time and have been doing great. You decide that you feel you deserve a raise. You feel positive and ready. You make an appointment with your employer to discuss it. Suddenly, you feel your body begin to show you that you are feeling worry and doubt. You are tense, and you can’t eat or sleep. You start to think thoughts that show you the belief that ‘you aren’t good enough’ and won’t get the raise you deserve. Now what? Well, now that you are aware that your body is letting you know that you have gone from believing in yourself to not believing in yourself, you take charge!
The first step I always take my clients through is the ‘6 Count Breath Technique’. The reason for this, is that before you can introduce a belief change thought, you need to be deeply relaxed. When the nervous system is overstimulated by negative fear- based thoughts, it needs help to be in a calm open state to receive the new thoughts. Do this in the morning, a few times through the day and before sleep. Make it a habit.
To do this you simply sit or lay down, close your eyes and breath deeply into your body to the count of six and out slowly to the count of six for twelve cycles. This usually takes 2 minutes. This is a proven way of breathing that relaxes the diaphragm. A relaxed diaphragm = a relaxed body. A relaxed body= a relaxed mind. Now that your body and mind are relaxed, you can drop in thoughts such as, “I am going to be ok” and “it is entirely possible that I will get the raise I want”. This language is understood by the subconscious mind and it is in agreement. Now your body will feel the new positive feeling and will feel powerful. Powerful feeling =powerful thoughts. You will go from riding the tidal wave of worry, fear and doubt to surfing the fun wave of ‘yes I can’!
Kathleen Martin, LOACC- Certified Master Life Coach
To connect with Kathleen Martin and receive more Life Coaching tips, sign up here for her ‘Quick Coaching 5 Part Audio Series’ and more! www.kathleenmartincoaching.com
You Have An Emotional ‘GPS’
Do you ever feel like an emotional ‘wreck’? If the answer is yes, then you are in good company. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have times when they feel as though they just can’t seem to get a grip. We all at times feel as though our emotions are out of control and making us feel out of control and powerless.
Let me give you a different perception of your emotions that will give you back your power.
First, ask yourself, what are my emotions anyway? Why do I feel up one day and down the next. Why do we feel hopeful about something and then hopeless about it? There is a scale of emotions. We experience many emotions everyday. I want you to consider that your emotions are simply information. They are guiding us. They let us know how we think and therefore feel about what we are experiencing.
For example, have you ever had an argument with your partner (or someone) and you felt angry? (who hasn’t!) Well, the emotion called ‘anger’ is informing you that you are interpreting what was said or done, and that caused you to feel the anger. You are thinking thoughts about the situation that didn’t feel good, and you felt ‘bad’.
Actually anger is neither good or bad, it just is. The emotion called anger is letting you know that you don’t feel good so you can do something about it to feel better. We always want to feel good and our emotions are here to help.
We are designed with our Internal ‘Emotional GPS’ as a way of navigating life not unlike the GPS in our cars. You put in where you are and then you put in your destination and you will be given directions on how to get there.
Let’s go back to the argument. You put in where you are (ie: had an argument) and then you put in your destination (able to talk to each other with respect). Now let your emotions guide you there. Use your ability to go from feeling the anger, realize that it is informing you that you don’t feel good, and then decide how you want to feel.
You can now make empowered choices such as going for a walk and taking slow deep breaths after the argument to feel a little better. You can write out how you feel about the argument and then how you want to feel. You can imagine sitting with this person, saying how you feel, being heard and receiving the respect you need.
Remember, you always want to feel better, and you can. You can go from feeling powerless to feeling powerful when you understand that your emotions are here to guide you to living a happy life.
Kathleen Martin, LOACC
Certified Life Coach and Host of Coach Cafe’ Radio
How To Feel Better Fast!
Are you feeling down? There are many reasons we can feel down. Everyone has their ups and downs. It’s normal and part of being your beautiful multifaceted self. What I know is that you would rather feel up. When we feel low we want to somehow feel better and we want to feel better fast-right? Of course we do!
Consider this, the reason we ever feel low is because we are processing thoughts that are a low frequency. They include thoughts of worry, fear, overwhelm, disappointment etc. They are felt in the body as an emotion (feeling). Emotion is energy in motion. Low frequency thoughts produce low frequency feelings (emotions.) All emotions are good and meant to help us to know the quality of our thoughts.
If the thoughts are like the ones above, they need our attention and we need to make room for them to move so we can feel better.
What I want to share is that you don’t have to feel low for long. You may think you have no power to change how you feel, but you do. The circumstances in your life don’t matter as much as your state of being while you are experiencing them.
One of the fastest ways to change the way you feel fast is by using your breath. One of the most effective patterns of breathing to use is called the ‘six count breath.’ You simply breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose into your diaphragm and heart to the count of six and then out slowly and deeply to the count of six.
Put your hand on this area to make sure you are breathing lower into your body and not shallow into your chest. Do this 12 times. This pattern is proven to help you to feel better quickly and will definitely help you feel more relaxed. You will stimulate feel good chemicals in your body, which will in turn cause you to think better feeling thoughts.
These better feeling thoughts are a higher frequency. Your body will respond and you will then create a new pattern of thinking and feeling better. The better you feel, the better you will feel!
Your breath is available to you all the time to help you to feel better fast. Use it!
Now you know how to move from feeling down to feeling up!
Daily Power Practice
Before you begin I want to explain the power of your ‘daily power practice’. It begins with the understanding of the universal law of attraction and that your point of attention is your point of attraction. By spending even a few minutes during the day, preferably several times throughout the day, focusing on answering a powerful question, you have deliberately directed your attention. You are using the power to control the direction of your thought. Your thoughts, and how you feel when you think them, are your ‘ attractor factor’ that the law of attraction responds to and matches with more of the same. By deliberately focusing on what you want and feeling the feeling of having it, you will attract more of what you want. It really is that simple. It is very powerful to do this daily power practice with pen to paper because it brings the energy from the non-physical to the physical with is very creative! The more you take the time to practice the more powerful a deliberate creator you become!
Answer these powerful questions:
What do I want, why do I want it and how do I want to feel?
(To do this you will need to buy yourself a notebook and pen especially designated for your Daily Power Practice!)
Being clear is absolutely necessary to attract what you want. It is especially necessary to know how you want to feel. Our feelings are projecting out like a signal into a field of energy that is responding to them. We always receive back what we put out. The universal laws are always responding. The dominant law is the Law of Attraction which states -that which is like unto itself is drawn. Doesn’t it make sense then, you need to be very clear about what you want, why you want it and how you want to feel?
Choose an area of your life that is very important to you that you want to change.Take the time to sit quietly and write out the answers to these powerful questions. When we ask ourselves powerful questions, we are connecting with that part of ourselves that knows the answers. We tend to be unaware that we have the answers within us because there is so much noise from the countless thoughts that run through our minds daily. We usually look outside for the answers. When you spend time with yourself by simply quieting your mind and ask for the answer to an important question, you will be amazed at what will come into your awareness as the answer.
You will be amazed at how you will be inspired to take an action that will cause the resolution to a problem. It will come in many different forms as you allow it -perhaps to read a book by an author you have never heard of, listen to a motivational CD, go to a particular place that led to meeting someone you would never have met that leads to an answer. These are the types of experiences you can expect when you take the time to do this daily power practice.
To truly achieve the changes you want in your life ,
the change must occur within first.
As Gandhi reminds us- ‘Be the change you want to see’
Take these inspired life changing actions each day-
Set aside 15 minutes each day to quiet your mind. Find a place where you won’t be disturbed, focus on your breath and follow it as you slowly and deeply breath in and out. The outcome will be that first of all you feel more relaxed at at ease. This is the feeling that allows us to begin to feel our deeper relationship with our inner being/spirit/intelligence that has the answers to all our questionsthat we have within us.
We can also use guided mediations to help us to quiet our mind and get into a more relaxed state. Listening to words and music helps us to take our focus on what feels bad and puts us into a better feeling place.
Even taking 2 minute to 5 minute ‘ meditation pauses’ throught the day will have a wonderful effect.
It’s that simple and at the same time powerful and life changing!
Deep diaphramatic breathing has been shown to have a profound effect on our ability to create a coherent state between our head and your heart. Simply setting aside 2 minutes of rhythmic breathing into the heart area to the count of six inhale and six exhale will not only create a deep relaxed state of being it will dissolve the mind and open your heart where true intelligence lives. You will find that over time you will be more peacefull and your thoughts will be the ones that offer you the solutions to your problems!
Notice what is going right in your life and expand your awareness of those things. Truly feel the appreciation for everything in your life. Begin and end your day feeling that feeling of appreciation. I suggest that you get a notebook and write out a list each morning as you wake up and and just before going to sleep. These are the times when our minds are particularly open to suggestion and we are in a place of less resistance. This is the way we can change our beliefs about our life and begin to see our lives through the lens of more instead of less.
Making that you feel good the most important thing in your life:
How you feel is what creates your life. You want everything in your life because you believe that when you have whatever it is, you will feel good. The key is to feel good regardless. Even before anything changes in our lives, we can decide to feel good. We are always at choice no matter what is going on in our lifes. We have countless ways to feel better. We can only attract how we feel, so doesn’t it make sense to make feeling good the most important thing your life?